The world through the eyes of a male domestic abuse victim, but its so much more than that !

A Letter to My Ex Abuser

A letter to my ex abuser

One glance of your face
was all I ever needed to understand your mood
that is a special ability
granted to everyone who lives with a sociopath
therefore when our eyes met for seconds
before you turned your face away
I saw everything

Anger, hate, pain and loathing
encompassed in a facial expression
last seen on a bulldog
chewing a wasp

I also knew the ramifications of that look
insults will be hurled
along with crockery
or anything else within reaching distance
something had displeased you
so someone must pay

However I absorbed that information walking
and laughing
my thoughts were
if he has not met the real you yet
he will tonight

I remembered you screaming at me
that without you
I would become a lonely alcoholic
I squeezed my girlfriend’s hand and said
“we just walked past the witch”

I know the source of your displeasure
from looks alone you could not ascertain
her kindness and compassion
her courage integrity and dignity
are qualities you could never recognise
even if they were written in a speech bubble
that floated above a person

However anyone with eyes to see
could accurately describe the different character traits
by looking at both your faces
the beauty and the beast

What you never considered
was keeping everyone around you stressed
was also stressful on yourself
that has consequences
you look twenty years older than you are
and she is fifteen years younger than you
and beautiful
I guess you don’t like those apples

she also has no need
to manipulate or threaten me to stay
because I only feel complete by her side

I really should thank you
because just as living in the valley
makes the view from the summit more stunning
having lived with you
makes me realise how special she is
and to clarify
I was not laughing at you
that was spontaneous laughter
from the joy of a good life

One last thing
since you made everything about us competition
because cooperation is something you don’t understand
I am calling this
game over bitch
I win


Forty Two

© Forty Two 2017, all rights reserved


Author Notes

Domestic Abuse is not gendered. The only indicator to becoming abused, is becoming entrapped by a cruel person, and cruel people come in both genders. As do people that come out the other side better than they went in. To the abusers out there, I hope seeing your former victims thrive gives you hell 


Different is not Wrong

What if I told you

the fact

that girls mature earlier than boys

is a myth

what if I told you

boys and girls mature at the same rate

they just mature



What if I told you

the ability

to talk quietly one on one

shows only that girl’s

are developing

the communication skill

that will serve them best

in adulthood


Whereas boy’s

crave communal conversation

creating co-operation

learning to make their voice heard

within a group

the skills that will serve them best

in adulthood

What if I told you

maturing differently

has been confused

with not maturing at all


Slow Death


The oxygen bottle

was smaller and lighter

than the ones he manhandled

as a youth

he remembered

trailing cutting gear

into the bowls of ships

swinging sledgehammers

gutting out scrap ships

or making good

clambering along perilous perches

he always thought

being killed at work

would be instantaneous


He adjusted the oxygen mask

and took another step


he would not make it to

normal retirement age

looking back

the “big money”

for working the dirty jobs

was not in reality “big”


why would he have had to work

seven days a week ?

the other realisation

was that he had been

dying for a living



Author Notes

When researching figures for asbestos deaths in the United Kingdom I found conflicting information. Firstly the Health and Safety Executive claim it is imposable to get accurate figures as they can not tell the difference between asbestos exposure and smoking, but they estimate it to be around 2000 deaths a year. However another page by the same executive leads to fatalities from mesothelioma. There are accurate figures for mesothelioma, 2101 men died from the condition in 2014. Cancer Research Uk say that mesothelioma is primarily caused by exposure to Asbestos, I believe this solid information is where they are getting there estimate from, however the reason the figures are not presented in a more straight forward manor and the Health and Safety Executive are scurrilously claiming the deaths of these men could be due to lifestyle choices is unclear.

In the same year (2014) there were 144 workplace fatalities, this tells us that the overwhelming majority of workplace deaths happen long after the person has left the job.

There is also a small but significant number of female fatalities of mesothelioma (414 in 2014) . Most of these contacted the condition by contact with their partners contaminated clothing. When it became apparent women and children were being affected by cross contamination of clothing the Health and Safety Executive took decisive action. Workplace (health safety and welfare) regulations mandate that clothing likely to be contaminated with dusts or chemicals must be laundered by the employer, there must be separate lockers provided and washing facilities provided to ensure the workplace hazard is restricted to the man working the job.

That this effort went into limiting exposure to the male workers and not removing the hazard leads me to believe the Health and Safety Executive have came to understand that when risk is necessary in order to complete a task, men are disposable.


Band of Brothers


I wonder if the dead could speak

what ever would they say

when they contemplate society

and how we behave today

the silent sleeping sentinels

that lye forever where they fought

would they think we made the best use

of the choices their sacrifice bought


Do they watch us as we gather

to in solemn silence stand

as the bugle plays the last post

would they take you by the hand

then lead you to a ally

or a doorway cold and damp

and show you todays veteran

living like a tramp


Then demand that the reverence

reserved for the fallen of yesteryear

be converted into services

for the veterans that are still here

for the spirits of the old soldiers

and today’s are intertwined

a single band of brothers

let not one be left behind


Author Notes

In America 22 veterans kill themselves every day. In the UK there is not enough research to give accurate information, it is believed a serving soldier kills themselves every two weeks and estimated the count for veterans is around double that number. In Australia a special investigation found 41 military personnel and veterans took their own life in the first 7 months of this year. The same number of fatalities in 13 years of fighting in Afghanistan. What is crystal clear is we loose more soldiers to suicide than we do in conflict. We also know that a lot of veterans are homeless. In the USA the figure is 1 in 4 of all homeless are veterans. In the UK figures ranging between 1 in 4 and 1 in 10 homeless being veterans have been claimed. The fact that nobody actually knows is a damming indictment in its self.

What we know for a fact is that on Armistice Day, the great and the good of the political world will line up for a photo opportunity laying reefs and showing there respects for the war dead. I say photo opportunity as if these people actually cared about those that have served their country they would fix the problems. So, if you see your local political leader has attended a act of remembrance, feel free to contact them and ask what they are doing for todays veterans.

The Walking Dead


He stood alone in the dock

he was told

the charges against him

he was precluded from challenging

the slander that masqueraded as evidence

he was there to be judged

not participate


When the secrete show trial

was concluded

he was not found

guilty or innocent

yet was given

a lifetime sentence


Stranger still

he walked away

a free man


Free to live

however he chose

provided those choices

did not include

seeing his children

he was however

mandated to provide

financial support

but precluded

from knowing

how that financial support was utilised

free to be tortured

by a inconsistent flow of information

provided on the whim of his accuser

which was interwoven

with deceit and insults

and imposable to verify

free to grieve

the loss of his children

without the funeral

and graveside

that facilitates the grieving process

burdened with anxiety

fuelled by concern for the welfare

of his waking dead children


society seemed surprised

he displays anger


Author Notes

Prior to 1839 in English law typically the father would be awarded custody of children at the disillusion of a marriage. The reason for this is the father was best placed to financially provide for the children. Following her divorce Social reformer/suffragette, author, journalist and “society beauty” Caroline Norton created the Tender Years Doctrine where she put forward her opinion children younger than 7 were damaged by separation from their mother. It is unclear what a “society beauty” is and what part that plaid in her divorce, however it would seem it had no negative impact on her parenting skills as she successfully lobbied the male parliamentarians and the Custody of Infants act 1939 was introduced. This act gave mothers custody of children until the age of 7 and fathers financial responsibilities for mother and child. In 1873 the act was extended to give mothers custody and fathers financial responsibility to the age of 16. The Act quickly spread through the British Empire and to the United States and Australia.

In 2016, after 143 years of progress, we are still using a family court system based on the opinion of Caroline Norton. The result is devastation to families, children loosing access to their father and his extended family and fathers being turned into a pay cheque.



Day one

it was smooth

like newborn skin


Days two and three

sharp stubble simulated sandpaper

reminding me abnormalities

require examination and understanding

or action


By day seven

it is soft, pleasing to the touch

my hand is drawn to my face

exploring the change


By day nineteen

it will be a prominent feature

demanding to be noticed

as will the events

of International Mens Day


On day thirty one

it will be cut down

and again my features

will change dramatically


Individually, it means little

but there are many

completing this transformation

the millions of moustaches

causing millions more

men and women to donate

that make thousands

of projects posable

the trillion conversations

that rase awareness


the changing face

of mens health


Author Notes

The Movember Foundation is dedicated to tackling Men’s Health on a global scale. There fundraising peeks during Movember when men seek sponsorship for growing moustaches. The the change in physical appearance representing the changing face of men’s health. November 19th is International Mens Day. A day where men hold events to raise the issues that affect Men and Boys and to celebrate the achievements of Men and Boys.  For more information on the Movember Foundation and International Mens Day see the links below.

The Antidote to Man Flu


Man flu is not a decease

or a medical condition

but shameful terminology

and psychological attrition

designed to keep men working

and pretend they are not ill

because their health is less important

than the tasks they must fulfil


Then the demand that men “man up”

translates to ignore distress or pain

ignore your personal wellbeing

for anther’s personal gain

compounded by the social stigma

should a man dare to complain

or should he show emotion

people react like he’s insane


The ratlin and prozac

that the doctors freely give

create controlled existence

and stifle the ability to live

it’s time to end the shame

silence the voices in your head

and the first step is to prescribe

a pill thats coloured red


Author Notes

On average, world wide women outlive men by 4 years, women living to 74 and men 70. The highest life expectancy is in Europe and North America where women average 81 years in both continents and men average 75 in Europe and 77 in North America.

By simply changing our attitudes to mens health, we could become the first generation where our son’s live as long as our daughters.

Source :

Boys are Good


Misjudged maligned and misunderstood

its time to wake up to the fact boy’s are good

forget the myth of snails and puppy dog tails

and take a look at factual details

they are made of hopes, dreams and determination

an incredibly powerful combination

they excel at tasks requiring concentration

each boy is born with aspiration

to help, to learn and to create

their positivity you can not negate

then look at there actions and you will see

a endless seam of empathy

helping others is what boy’s do naturally

so change is needed I conclude

for the marginalised, maligned and misunderstood

it’s time to wake up to the fact boy’s are good


The Death of Childhood


On his third day in the camp

a new “recruit” arrived

Raheem watched him being pulled from the truck

and presented to the big man

he could not hear what was being said

but he saw the older boys arriving

with sticks

within minutes

the newcomer was unconscious

by volunteering

Raheem had avoided that beating

he, had only been




they would attack the enemy

Raheem had decided

he would be fearless

he would charge the enemy

at the age of fourteen years and three week

he had come to understand

death in combat

was his only chance of escape


Author Notes

There are an estimated 250,000 boy soldiers in the world today serving in countries including, but not limited to Afghanistan, Burma, Central African Republic, Chad, Colombia, Democratic Republic of Congo, India, Iraq, Philippines, Somalia, South Sudan, Syria, Thailand and Yemen. As the fighting around Mosul intensifies growing numbers of boy soldiers are being thrown into the front line with a very short life expectancy. Recent reports claim at least 300 ISIS boy soldiers have been killed.

Additionally thousands of girls have been inducted or abducted by military or paramilitary forces. These girls typically are not involved in combat but are utilised as cooks, messengers, spies or companions to fighters. The fact these girls are not sent into combat means they are best defined as slaves. These children, both boys and girls have their family life and education interrupted and face physical, psychological and sexual abuse. They all need rescued.

However if you put “boy soldiers” into a search engine you will find the results lead you to “child soldiers” and organisations that work to prevent children being recruited by army’s or militia. It appears that groups such as Child Soldiers International or War Child have conflated the Boy Soldiers and the Girl Slaves. When it comes to there programs to get “Child Soldiers” out of conflict and back into school, they have rediscovered their ability to to make a distinction. The boys, who have been more severely affected by their exposure to combat, are disbarred due to their gender. My conclusion is that those organisations are not interested in helping child soldiers, but girls, and the world is looking the other way. Male disposability it seems, begins in childhood.


The Game-Changer


In year four of primary school

the uniform changed

from shorts to long trousers

and we

the biggest children in the small playground

became the

smallest children in the big playground


Culture shock would be a understatement

the boys in year seven

the oldest in the school

were in the ascendancy

the sight and sound

of them charging as a herd

was at first intimidating

to a eight year old


By year five

this practice was intriguing

to a nine year old

one stood in the middle

called another to attempt to pass him

if he succeeded

the herd charged

and he that stood alone

attempted to grab one

Those caught

stayed in the middle

the herd dwindled

until one lone charger

made his doomed attempt


By year six

a ten year old

was anxious

to be part of the game

pit his whit and strength

against others

the boys, unsurprisingly

wanted to be boisterous


In year seven

we formed our lines

we charged as one

our feet sounded like thunder

unbridled joy at reaching safety

was cut short, by a shrill whistle


The principle stood tall in the playground

silver hair and pipe in hand

he billowed

this game is banned

then turned on his heel and left

In Belfast, 1977

the way boys played

was designated



Author Notes

In the early seventies feminism began its march through the establishment. One of the first places hit was teacher training. Four years later the newly indoctrinated teachers passed out of training and entered the classrooms. One of the first targets was to change the behaviour of boy’s in the playground. The road to ritalin and ADHD Statements, began with banning boisterous games.