fortytwowrites

The world through the eyes of a male domestic abuse victim, but its so much more than that !

Month: April, 2013

End of April

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Tonight I post my last poem a day

tomorrow April will become May

some were happy, some were sad

some were just completely mad

some were just the thoughts I had

 

Tonight I post my last poem a day

tomorrow April will become May

I talked of animals under a magic spell

people, unicorns and a coffee cup as well

still my favorite remains the gates of hell

 

I thank those who read this poetic journey

shared my rhymes sorrow and glee

and I hope in the words I reviled part of me

tomorrow Aril will become May

tonight I post my last poem a day

 

Author Notes

 

Written for National Poem Writing Month (April)

30th April 2013

 

Well people, I made it, a poem a day for thirty days 🙂 For the next few days I intend to catch up on reading other peoples work, so expect me if I have neglected you for a few days (or longer ! ) I will take this opportunity to congratulate any other writers that also posted every day, any challenge completed is a success. We tend to be our own harshest  critic, accept your success in any form they come ! I also want to say a sincere thank you to all those that read my poems, your support helps me more than you can imagine, so thank you. More poems and mad mutterings will follow……

 

Regards

Forty

Bad Hair Day

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Henry hair dis not want to conform

acts of rebellion he wished to preform

first he used the farmers crop for a larder

searching for food would have been harder

on lettuces, and radishes henry did gnaw

other things he just dug up with a paw

then he chased rabbits from there home

not even the babies were left alone

when asked why he did it all he could say

was “sorry, i’m having a bad hair dat !”

 

Author Notes

 

Written foe National Poem Writing Month (April)

29th April 2013

Perception

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When you confuse strength with size

there is something you do not realize

my weakness is only in your perception

you will regret that misconception

the one thing that you could never see

was the lion that lives inside of me

subservient, yes but I kept my pride

all my dignity daily I would hide

but the thing that will seal your fate

Is that I was brave enough to wait

until you could hurt others no more

beware, this lion is about to roar !

 

By

Forty Two

 

Author Notes

 

Written For National Poem Writing Month (April)

28th April 2013

 

Picture Credit

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hamsters/49178063097

 

 

There are manny reasons people remain in abusive relationships, weakness is rarely one of them. Generally the abuser will use reputations on other people or financial levers to keep there victim in place. It is extremely hard to make the consequences on the victim worse than staying in the relationship, what is posable is to make the consequences on others bad enough that the victim chooses to stay rather than have others suffer. Until the courts realize this and begin to change judgments around custody of children, Men will generally stay, and accept anything that protects others. For more information on male victims of domestic abuse see www.mapni.co.uk and there paper “towards gender equality”

 

 

Its A Write Off !

Last Sunday I believed I had made a breakthrough. I had decided to attempt to separate the working weak from the weekend and impose a regime of cash conservation and healthy living during the week so any extravagance or unhealthy treat at the weekend would be a treat. I was not deluded enough to believe actually accumulating savings would be possible, however the goal was to not acquire any more debt.

 

The reasoning behind this was simple enough. I believed (and still do) that previous efforts at this type of lifestyle were doomed from the start as any gains made would be wiped out by a unexpected crises. while I was living with my ex Wife there was always a unexpected crisis, so much so that they stopped being unexpected. Strangely enough the financial cost of the crisis was always about 10% more than any savings we had made, thus insuring a continual state of debt. After over twenty years of this pattern I had lost all will to attempt forward planning, nothing good ever came from it.

 

However, after nine months (yes people, it has now been nine months from the escape 🙂  ) even I had to admit the problems I faced tomorrow were likely to be the same ones I faced today and it was time I attempted to live on the meager resources I have left after I meet the financial obligations placed on me to keep the bailiffs away until the house is sold and the money is finally sorted out. It is after all the responsible thing to do.

I decided not to write about my plans for the weak, incase they went astray, It is so much harder to destroy all evidence you tried than not produce any in the first place !

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This caused the making of a batch of tuna pasta to cover my lunches for the weak, the drinking of two liters of water a day (free and much healthier than coke a cola ! ) and the biggie, no cigarettes from monday to friday, the question was could I do it ? Monday and Tuesday were going well and I was feeling strong and pretty pleased with myself, then the bombshell. Remember how I was saying that “She” could not cause unexpected catastrophes, well on Tuesday evening she played a ace ! Right out of left field. I will write about what exactly she did, but not until the full consequences are known. For now lets just say it rectifying what could be rectified meant taking Wednesday of work and a lot of time with official people, including the Police, was expensive and blew my progress out of the water. By Thursday evening I realized somehow I was coping better than I thought possible and the support I was receiving from my Family helped a lot. This form of support is quite new due to the new closeness made possible with actually seeing them regularly. There was no question about it, the situation called for fried egg and crispy bacon toasted sandwiches

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Although things were far from perfect, there was hope, and a realization I was coping better than average for the situation, and had still managed to post a poem a day, the machine works ! I have written off the effort at progress for the week in the knowledge it was scuppered by another, however that is (probably) the last thing she can do to mess with my life. All that is left is the process of selling the house and clearing of joint debts the devision of any profit. All of this is covered by a legal process and will be done fairly.

So once again I sit on a Sunday evening ready to do battle with the week, chicken pasta for lunch this week, water and electronic cigarette at the ready, its a do over, wish me luck people.

 

On another note, April is almost over, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for reading my Poem a Day, there will be less frequent poems and more commentary on my life like this, and my views on the world at large.  I will also attempt to catch up on the reading I have missed over the mad week I am leaving behind.

 

It is unimportant how manny times you get knocked down, the important thing is how manny times you get back up, and the muscles you grow climbing back out of the pit !

 

Forty Two

 

The Caravan

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This baron land that we traverse

as endless as the universe

for days on without forward we drive

not one can tell how why still survive

yet fear is gathering in our mind

unless some water we can find

this white sand will be our final view

tho we still dream of Katmandu

with evidence of royal assignation

we must reach our destination

 

Author Notes

 

Written for National Poem Writing Month (April)

27th April 2013

 

The Swarm

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It moves to the beat of pure white noise

a million navigation systems it deploys

perpetual motion in it’s purest form

all constant parts to rules do conform

each unit assigned to a different task

coordinated by those none can unmask

drones moving to there appointed location

preparing on the move for disembarkation

expanding, consuming all available space

relentless progress at amazing pace

each person in the city combine to form

the throng of humanity I call the swarm

 

Author Notes

 

Written for National Poem Writing Month (April)

26th April 2013

 

Picture Credit : dreamstime.com

 

The Mystery

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The Mystery

all throughout history we always had a mystery
something to facilitate conversation and debate
the philosopher ponders how we exist
but extended employment requires a twist
explanations must be as clear as mist

all throughout history we always had a mystery
something to facilitate conversation and debate
the poet ponders both real life and dream
the mysteries of love and all things between
painting pictures with words of a world foreseen

all throughout history we always had a mystery
something to facilitate conversation and debate
I easily explain these riddles that seam bizarre
but the one puzzle I can not solve so far
is who took the last cookie from the jar !

Author Notes

Written for the contest : Contest Alphabet Mysteries series Fantastic Finale INVITE ONLY PLEASE! by Rebel Coyote
You must have won gold in a previous round to enter
Prompt : Mystery
Picture Credit conservativecritic.wordpress.com

Written for National Poem Writing Month (April)
25th April 2013

 

Waiting

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I park the car to sit and wait

from here my life I contemplate

should I go to that place yet ?

or have another cigarette ?

that place has people they dwell within

my family, my own, my kith my kin

when I arrive, it is plane to see

none of them, seem to like me

there will have been some interaction

I will not like the chain reaction

the incessant noise I can not halt

because it will be all my fault

so in the car I wait some more

nothing to hurry, back there for

that extra hour I am employed

is one less hour to be annoyed

or simply driving round and round

no other reason need be found

or you see me in my car alone

It’s because I fear, going home

Author Notes

National Poietry Writing Month (April)

24th April 2013

When I arrived “home” my wife felt she needed to shout at me for fifteen to twenty minutes in order to “feel comfortable”. However shouting without a reason is not much fun, so she would take the smallest thing and magnify it. When not even a small thing was obvious, she just invented something. Not surprisingly, as this routine became normal, my kids joined in. I in turn put off going home, which then gave all the default complaint of “what kept you”. I now don’t like going into a house that contains people, I always expect complaints. I find it much better to enter a place devoid of people. Much better to be in and settled then wait for the complaints that come with the returning people. I have been living with my parents for over nine months, I am not met with complaints at the front door, however, I still fear going home. Hopefully, this will change with time. If someone you know is never in a rush “home”, there may well be a reason.

For more information on Male Victims of Domestic Abuse see www.mapni.co.uk

Picture Credit  driversedgru.com

New Socks

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my new socks are larger than my feet

reinforced heels and toes these parts don’t meet

for religion, politicks, sexuality heed this call

like socks one size will not fit all

Author notes

 

provided you are not causing harm to others, there is no absolute right or wrong way to live your life, promote your views by all means but in doing so respect the right of others to do likewise, even if they conflict with yours. The people that labeled my new socks got that wrong, i hope society can one day will get it right

National Poem Writing Month (April)

23rd April 2013

inspired by socks !

Thoughts

Check point charlie calls to me

so manny places I should see

 

I have no idea what the “New Jersy Turnpike” is 

but I’m sure you need a car to get caught in the corse of it

 

I have a urge to get on a south bound freight and ride

a copy of catcher in the rye by my side

walk out in the streets of Laredo

or see Rosa’s cantina in El Paso

like Reacher walk between Hope and Despair

I’ll find a all night coffee shop there

strangers will sit and tell me there story

and I will write there poems filled with glory

maybe go see the Tallahatchie bridge

or on horse back at dawn come up on a ridge

go walk about near Alice Springs

see what perspective a night in the desert brings 

I can go to all those places

see a sea of unknown faces

run to the end of the earth

and then some more

till I forget what I’m running for

but no matter how far I go away

when I wake up and it is day

I have to realise there is something I can not outrun

me.

 

Author Notes

 

It makes perfect sense to me !

 

Written for National Poem Writing Month (April)

22nd April 2013