fortytwowrites

The world through the eyes of a male domestic abuse victim, but its so much more than that !

Category: Uncategorized

A Letter to My Ex Abuser

A letter to my ex abuser

One glance of your face
was all I ever needed to understand your mood
that is a special ability
granted to everyone who lives with a sociopath
therefore when our eyes met for seconds
before you turned your face away
I saw everything

Anger, hate, pain and loathing
encompassed in a facial expression
last seen on a bulldog
chewing a wasp

I also knew the ramifications of that look
insults will be hurled
along with crockery
or anything else within reaching distance
something had displeased you
so someone must pay

However I absorbed that information walking
and laughing
my thoughts were
if he has not met the real you yet
he will tonight

I remembered you screaming at me
that without you
I would become a lonely alcoholic
I squeezed my girlfriend’s hand and said
“we just walked past the witch”

I know the source of your displeasure
from looks alone you could not ascertain
her kindness and compassion
her courage integrity and dignity
are qualities you could never recognise
even if they were written in a speech bubble
that floated above a person

However anyone with eyes to see
could accurately describe the different character traits
by looking at both your faces
the beauty and the beast

What you never considered
was keeping everyone around you stressed
was also stressful on yourself
that has consequences
you look twenty years older than you are
and she is fifteen years younger than you
and beautiful
I guess you don’t like those apples

she also has no need
to manipulate or threaten me to stay
because I only feel complete by her side

I really should thank you
because just as living in the valley
makes the view from the summit more stunning
having lived with you
makes me realise how special she is
and to clarify
I was not laughing at you
that was spontaneous laughter
from the joy of a good life

One last thing
since you made everything about us competition
because cooperation is something you don’t understand
I am calling this
game over bitch
I win

By

Forty Two

© Forty Two 2017, all rights reserved

 

Author Notes

Domestic Abuse is not gendered. The only indicator to becoming abused, is becoming entrapped by a cruel person, and cruel people come in both genders. As do people that come out the other side better than they went in. To the abusers out there, I hope seeing your former victims thrive gives you hell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yZ30pTw8KM 

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Different is not Wrong

What if I told you

the fact

that girls mature earlier than boys

is a myth

what if I told you

boys and girls mature at the same rate

they just mature

differently

 

What if I told you

the ability

to talk quietly one on one

shows only that girl’s

are developing

the communication skill

that will serve them best

in adulthood

 

Whereas boy’s

crave communal conversation

creating co-operation

learning to make their voice heard

within a group

the skills that will serve them best

in adulthood

What if I told you

maturing differently

has been confused

with not maturing at all

 

The Antidote to Man Flu

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Man flu is not a decease

or a medical condition

but shameful terminology

and psychological attrition

designed to keep men working

and pretend they are not ill

because their health is less important

than the tasks they must fulfil

 

Then the demand that men “man up”

translates to ignore distress or pain

ignore your personal wellbeing

for anther’s personal gain

compounded by the social stigma

should a man dare to complain

or should he show emotion

people react like he’s insane

 

The ratlin and prozac

that the doctors freely give

create controlled existence

and stifle the ability to live

it’s time to end the shame

silence the voices in your head

and the first step is to prescribe

a pill thats coloured red

 

Author Notes

On average, world wide women outlive men by 4 years, women living to 74 and men 70. The highest life expectancy is in Europe and North America where women average 81 years in both continents and men average 75 in Europe and 77 in North America.

By simply changing our attitudes to mens health, we could become the first generation where our son’s live as long as our daughters.

Source : https://www.statista.com/statistics/270861/life-expectancy-by-continent/

The Wake Up Call

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Your lived reality is a delusion

where friend and foe work in collusion

causing chaos and confusion

into invisible battle you are thrust

knowing not who you can trust

controlled by anger fear and lust

 

Elaborate deceptions render you blind

so critically analyse and you will find

there is a war on for your mind

but beware, you can’t un-see

the revelations of reality

and your own truth will set you free

 

The blue pill simply lets you ignore

a situation you should deplore

while self esteem drops through the floor

the red pill will bring you to reality

which means taking hard choices rationality

can you stomach that eventuality ?

The easy choices rarely end well.

 

“The more we do to you, the less you seem to believe we are doing it”.

Josef Mengele, German SS officer and a physician

in the German Nazi concentration camp Auschwitz-Birkenau

The Unaccountable Censors

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To all of you that tried to kill

the documentary The Red Pill

to stifle, strangle or drown at birth

or cast onto the ends of the earth

the work of which you disapprove

and so you scurried to remove

the peoples choice and free will

to decide to watch The Red Pill

 

I ask you now do you regret

as you witness the Streisand Affect

and the result of the publicity

is that more people will come to see

the hateful words you did proclaim

only to find the MRA’s are sane

and detest your removing your free will

to decide to watch The Red Pill

 

Then comes the sting within the tail

as they examine the detail

and realise your censorship

is a symptom of the crazed power trip

of the feminist ideology

who’s faults become plain to see

with the understanding and free will

that come with taking The Red Pill

 

Author Notes

In 2013 film maker and documenter Cassie Jaye decided to make a documentary about the Mens Rights Movement. As a feminist she fully expected her look into the shadows would reveal the toxic views and violent behaviour she had been told permeate the movement.

However what she found contradicted her preconceived notions and the year of filming and year of post production editing changed her world view. Full discloser, I have not seen the completed film, It has not had a viewing in my country yet and I will write about this film as soon as I get the opportunity to watch it. However I have seen her interviews post release and I know a lot of the people interviewed in the documentary and my conclusions on the film is based on this knowledge.

Since beginning this project Cassie has faced opposition from the Feminist movement, firstly in demanding editorial control in return for funding. She refused this “assistance” the project stalled but was saved by free speech advocates who donated to her kickstarter campaign. Post production Feminists have managed to get the Melbourne showing shut down, and there seem to be problems with the London showing.

At this stage the question cease’s to be the validity of either side’s point of view but should those views be allowed to be heard. It would seem some people have used the book 1984 as a guide, not a warning.

The Social Conference

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The decision to attend the Second International Conference on Men’s Issues was easy. It was being held in London, in July. Thats just a hop across the water, at holiday time. I could get to there, so I would get there. The obvious draw was the list of speakers, the who’s who of the men’s rights movement were to be put on a stage one after another, but as I was to find out, this was a conference where just actually being there outweighed the insights held within the speeches. That is not to undermine insights of the speakers, but a understanding of the reality. Every speech, from the opening by Erin Pizzy to the closing from Paul Ealm will be available on youtube shortly, hence I will not go into those now, but the experience of being there, the thousands of conversations between and after the speeches could only be accessed by being there.

The conference did not contain organised “break out” sessions, there were however twenty minute breaks between speakers that allowed attendees time to mingle over coffee. The speakers were freely available during these times however the conversation rarely centred on their work, and the reasons behind that is entirely rational. We, the attendees had came to hear first hand the voices that we bring to our homes via the internet. When you begin talking to people like Karen Straughan (Girl Writes What) with 129,400 subscribers to her youtube channel or Sage Gerard, the founder of KSU/Zen Men or Lucian Valsian who has a weekly radio show about mens interests in Europe, and therefore have both been bringing forward content for years through various mediums, it quickly becomes clear both parties in that conversation know what they are about. What these people are interested in is what we, the attendees are up to, what brought us to the movement and the conference. This was both logical and surprising. However the interest in what others were doing was a common theme in all the conversations between the attendees. The level of interest shown in others at the conference, was one of the striking features.

The other was what happened at the end of each day. The conference did not so much close for the day as relocate to the bar of the local hotels. As it was held at London’s ExCel Centre which is quite out of the way both speakers and attendees were scattered across a few hotels. The conversation became slightly less formal (if that was possible !) and people mingled into the night. On the evening before the conference I met another attendee, Luke, who has became a friend for life over the space of the conference. We were walking into the hotel and the whole AVFM team were having dinner. We were remarking how surreal the situation was. It is rare in life people have such close access to people you normally only access through the content they provide. It is akin to a back stage pass with the Rolling Stones/Black Sabbath/The Who (delete as appropriate or insert your own). A small hour later everyone was chatting as equals. There are two main reasons for that transformation.

As another friend I had talked to on line and met up with at the conference, Angelo remarked, the average IQ in the room was well above average. The other reason can be found in Paul Ealm’s speech on the last day. When Paul spoke about the need for men to insist that women step down from the pedestal, that we embrace there equality but not their privilege. To tell them they are valued, but not more so than their brothers, fathers, husbands and sons. Also that women must insist men dismount their white horses, that they must see women as capable and responsible people, it is clear that those sentiments went beyond the male female dynamic.

This movement is about true equality, it is about understanding that people carrying out different roles can be equally valued, that everything we do on a day to day basis is important, and there is a real difference between the words “different” and “lesser”. The top table of the Mens Rights Movement are leading from the front on this. They have not only stepped off any pedestal that they may have been placed upon, but taken sledge hammer to that pedestal. Yes, I/we fully respect the people who are at the top of the movement and stand on the stage. We admire them and draw inspiration from them, but we do not “Look up” to them. We look them in the eye, as they do us, to do otherwise would be both unwanted and disrespectful.

End of April

 

Tomorrow April becomes May

this poem marks the end

of my NaPoWoMo

to those that read the words I wrote

I give you thanks

and hopefully not headaches

to other poets

who took time to comment

I will get round to reading you work

now the dreaded deadline has expired

writing, reading and commenting

was like Arnhem

a bridge to far

also note

producing a good, deep, meaningful

poem every day for a month

is something I will never do

those that can, are best described as

fucking genius’s

my last thoughts are

theirs bread and cheese upon the shelf

if you want a better poem better write it yourself

 

Reflections

What she never seen

what no abuser ever sees

was the commotion

in the 15 minutes before they arrive

the frantic effort

to make the house perfect

faultless

 

However those efforts

that effort will always be pointless

it is impossible

to present perfection

to a person that craves

imperfection

in order to create chaos

 

Yes

I still scurry

before guests arrive

but it is driven by

personal pride, not fear

and you may enter

to find things out of place

because I am welcoming you

to my home

and my life

not a facade

 

That is what

contentment looks like

The Race

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Black moon in land of ice

adventurers it will entice

curiosity oft’ comes at a price

the cleft betwixt mountains twin

holds ancient knowledge deep within

and there the test will begin

 

Midnight race along darkened trail

of moonlight they can not avail

death comes quickly to those who fail

chasing beast their flesh would splice

adventures it will entice

to black moon in land of ice

 

Why ?

we ask why

as if the answer was not

obvious

the fake concern of society

is obvious

 

Australia, 6 men a day

42 a week

United Kingdom, 19 a day

133 a week

India

1 married man every 9 minutes

my head hurts calculating that

into a weekly tally

my heart hurts

at the devastation that causes

 

These figures dwarf

the road traffic fatalities

society tirelessly campaigns

for safer roads

teaches men not to speed

if these campaigns

were truly driven

by desire to preserve life

would those same people

not put a concerted effort

into teaching these men

not to kill themselves ?

as opposed to just asking

why ?

 

When the answer is obvious

the fake concern of society

is obvious

 

We teach boys to respect women

because they are valued

we teach boys to respect authority

because it is valued

we teach boys to respect animals

because they are valued

 

Nobody teaches boys

to respect themselves

the conclusion being

they are not valued

 

Perhaps if that changes

we will not have to ask

why

are these men killing themselves ?