The world through the eyes of a male domestic abuse victim, but its so much more than that !

Month: May, 2014

Ban Bossy Behaviour

Screen Shot 2014-03-16 at 17.27.52

The Ban Bossy Campaign has been described as a epic own goal by the feminist movement for many reasons. Not least that it addresses the word bossy but does nothing to address the behavior of girls. For those of you saying what campaign ill give you a quick run down. The premiss of the campaign is that the use of the word Bossy is reducing the confidence of girls. They state this the reason women do not develop into leaders sand that if we stop calling girls bossy they will be free to become successful.


The fact that the campaign is promoted by very successful women, which proves that provided the woman in question possesses the necessary ability to exile at their chosen field women can indeed succeed. This fact renders the campaign unnecessary. Unfortunately this piece of logic is lost on those running the campaign.  As is the irony of ending with the line “I’m not bossy, I’m the Boss”

Screen Shot 2014-05-25 at 12.59.57


The cherry picking of facts and the assumption that no woman or girl ever acts in a bossy, controlling, manipulating manor is also a large flaw. As we strive for equality we must include consequences for actions and a realistic appraisal of peoples behavior. That must include looking at the actions of both yourself and those you represent and casting a critical eye. It must include examples of both good and bad character traits in order that the young can emulate the good and avoid the bad. None of this is trying to re invent the wheel but seems to be missing from the campaign. The big question is, would it be possible for the people running this campaign to be confronted by Bossy behavior and not recognise it ? and what would the implications for the campaign be if it were proved they could not ?

This is the uncomfortable truth for Beyonce Knowles. If someone goes out of their way to in involve themselves in political or gender based campaigns it is entirely reasonable to judge their actions or inaction against the campaign’s they take part in. How should one react when a family member behaves in a indefensible way in public ? This is the problem faced by Beyonce Knowles. As most of you will be aware her sister Solange attacked her husband J Zee in a lift at the Met Ball. After the attack Jay Z left the event alone and Beyonce went “home” with her sister.  You can view the incident in the link below.

Screen Shot 2014-05-25 at 13.03.46


The media coverage has centered around what Jay Z had said or done to provoke the attack. There has been a absence of condemnation and the police have ignored the situation. Beyonce has came out of the event with praise for standing to the side ignoring the blows her sister was raining down on her husband and allowing her bodyguard to deal with the situation. There is no doubt that this outburst is designed to at the very least modify the behavior of Jay Z. Apart from unacceptable and violent would we also class this as bossy in the extreme ? Has it even went beyond bossy into bullying territory, aided by the social constraints of a man should never hit a woman, no matter what. We must also question is this a predictable result from giving a repeated message to girls they are never being bossy but “leading” when they force people to do as they say ?

We can never know what occurs behind closed doors. However the fact that this outburst was timed and placed in what Solange believed to be a private space tells its own story. 

 Should Beyonce not have said something in the press about this being unacceptable ? Given the high profile of both herself and her husband and the fact Beyonce engages in campaigns about acceptable behaviour she should have said something. Given her silence we must assume she felt nothing was wrong with this. If you can be in a enclosed space where your sister lashes out at your husband and manage to ignore it, I doubt she would notice young girls exhibiting Bossy Behaviour. This inability to understand the difference between right and wrong undermines the validity of any campaign she is a figurehead for. 

One final thought on this campaign.  Given the intelligence of these people, I am sure they all know at some level the word bossy was replaced when describing a overbearing demanding woman that throws temper tantrums.

Will we have a ban Diva campaign next ?





The Accused is an innocent man

Screen Shot 2014-05-23 at 20.34.02

Erin Pizzey recently said Canada was the worse place in the world to be a man. She said the presumption of guilt was so strong men would shy away from women in elevators incase that were falsely accused of “something”. I believe this story is proof that being male in Canada somehow makes you guilty. No need to worry about what you are guilty of, they will come up with something. It is also known people with a mental illness are more likely to be fed through the criminal justice conveyer belt.

So if you are a man with a mental illness, the system will come after you sooner or later. This is one example. 

Andy Fiore is a talented award winning documentary film maker. Not only has he won awards for his films, he also won British Colombia’s Courage to Come Back award last year in recognition of his courage in overcoming a heroin addiction on Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, before going on to successfully manage his mental illness and become a documentary filmmaker. None of this can have been easy and as people who have turned there life around after adversity know, this will always be fine balancing act. 

Andy was shopping for food at the London Drugs store on East Hastings Street at Penticton Street and the clerk accused him of stealing cigarettes a few days earlier. Normally a accusation of theft requires something I like to call proof. You know, being caught outside the shop with the goods in your possession. That was not going to be possible when the supposed theft was committed days ago. Perhaps CCTV footage of the incident and a photograph for ease of identity. In this case there was non of that. Just the  Given that Andy was a regular shopper in the store the clerk. Thats a strange form evidence when it is used as a compelling presumption of guilt.

Andy admits he is not proud of what happened next and could have handled it better, however I think he did as well as anyone else in his circumstances and better than most could have hoped to. For someone with a illness that makes them believe people are following them with the intention of making a false accusation Andy’s reaction was the least that could be expected. With the Clerk calling him a thief and the store manager circling him like a shark the experience triggered a a relapse of his mental illness, which had been tightly controlled and medicated. His anger boiled over and he lost control, swore at staff, punched a computer monitor and left. It is a fact that when you are going to accuse someone of a crime it should be done in a controlled manor and there should be a suitable level of investigation before any investigation.  This is the reason store dectitves are provided with specialised training. Had any of this happened in a professional manner Andy’s outburst would not have happened.

This is where crazy begins. Andy’s partner phoned both the store and the police. The police visited him at his home and interviewed him.  Andy then left his house to demand a apology from London Drugs. On the way there the police intercepted him and when he got out of the car he was handcuffed and arrested him.

Upon the arrest the officer lent into his ear and whispered he was a “piece of shit”. 

London Drugs general manager for loss prevention Tony Hunt said he has apologized for the wrongful accusation on the phone and in person on Saturday, when he visited Fiore’s home. However, Fiore declined his offer of three bags of free groceries. He farther stated “Clearly we insulted him and we wrongfully accused him of stealing,” They have taken action including suspending the member of staff and retraining other members of staff. Andy however is still being charged with “making a threat”

This leads to some questions

With the store admitting there wrongdoings, taking action on the staff member, offering free groceries, would they not also be dropping charges ?

If, as I suspect the store are not pressing charges who is pushing this process ? and why.

Could it be the fact Andy is a man with a mental illness, and described as a “peace of shit” by the arresting officer be the reason for this prosecution ?

Lastly, how do we come to a situation where in the same week a Award Winning Film Makers future is on the line due to a outburst in a store where no one was attacked and he was not the instigator of the event and when Solange Knowles can attack her brother in law, land blows and that results in publicity for her and no police involvement ?

At some stage the world has got to applying one standard of law enforcement to everyone. We must begin to treat everyone with respect and a presumption of innocence unless there is clear proof. Even if they are male, even if they have a mental illness. Andy was denied this presumption and the results of that rash decision have been horrendous. Unless we begin to speak out against these injustices they will continue, so I urge you to spread this story through social media. The link below is of the CBC News item, this gives more detail and is a easy and verifiable way to post this onto social media of your choice.

Thanks in advance for sharing.

Source and share link

Boycot Sculpture

Screen Shot 2014-05-19 at 00.00.32

Negative body image has for so long been thought of as woman’s issue. The reason is simple, the media has put it forward as a single gender issue. They site glamor magazines and Barbie dolls as presenting a unachievable goals. It is a fact that plastic surgery and air brushing proves that this image of “beautiful” fake, therefore presenting women with unachievable goals. However, is there really no pressure on males to look in a certain way ? I believe men are subjected to the same pressures from magazines, the body shape of Action Man and GI Joe not to mention a certain Daniel Craig walking out of the water as James Bond. The pressure is there, its just presented differently, with different outcomes.

With men it is not glamor/sexy they sell, its health and fitness. The use of these words makes it acceptable. I do think exercise and good diet, real health is a good thing and have a positive inapt on most peoples lives. However those attempting to advance that need to be mindful of how they go about it, and we, as people need to be careful of who’s advice we take. The health risks associated with exercise are swept under the carpet and with people at the top of profession being charged with “taking banned substances” where the only visible repercussion is being banned from competition or having medals removed it is easy to see why men are in record numbers moving to the use of steroids. A leading drug and alcohol charity CRI, who run 21 needle exchanges say that the numbers using their services had risen from 290 people in 2010 to 2161 in 2013.

That is a increase is 645% in that organisation alone. The tip of the iceberg.

The side affects of taking steroids include, but are not limited to : The list of side effects range from acne, hair loss and shrunken testicles, to fertility, liver and heart problems. It is for that reason when you pick i gym or trainer you have a duty to yourself to insure that person is interested in your health and has integrity in their set of personal values.

Before I move on to talk about a individual Personal Trainer and Gym I want to make it perfectly clear I have no evidence whatsoever that Will Johnstone Sculpture or the Gym Belfast Sculpture are involved in the use or distribution of steroids. They could be clean on that front. They got into this post for being idiots, not a usually named side affect of steroids but they came to my attention as everything you don’t want in a PT and I had to cover steroids as part of bad gym practices.

Last week a Facebook page sprang up called Boycott Sculpture. It’s aim was to highlight the activities of a Personal Trainer named Will Johnstone Sculpture who took a strange decision to use the death of child Cancer Sufferer Oscar Knox to promote his gym. Oscar has been on the news during his battle with cancer. His smiling face during adversity has won the hearts of the nation and he has became the face of the Northern Ireland Children’s Hospice and is now on a mural with Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. His family’s brave decision to allow the country to share their story has undoubtedly raised awareness and lead to much needed donations to the Children’s Hospice.


When a Personal Trainer is willing to piggy back on this story I doubt there is much he would not do in order to gain success.

Will Johnstone and others at his gym sent tweets to the effect of Poor Oscar could not train, why do people that can not get themselves fit. There is absolutely no need to bring Oscar into his motivational messages and the only possible reason would be to gain publicity.

The Facebook page attempting to publicise this disappeared as quickly as it appeared, the reason was constant threats of violence. One of the screen shots I managed to copy before it was taken down was a message from Will to someone that will remain nameless stating “Who am I ? I’m Will Johnstone Sculpture who is now the most famous PT in Belfast and super rich. Who are you ? Ps, get your teeth fixed Not the sort of person you really want to be making decisions about your diet, exercise and health. It is clear that Will has the best interests of himself at heart. By all means get active, get healthy, eat and train right, but get the advice off someone that is professional and realises that other peoples health is more important than their ego.


Crocodile Tears

crocadile tears


Any of you that have lived through abuse will recognise this trait. I can judge the mood or emotion of my ex abuser instantly and detect the reason for it. There are very real reasons for this. We have learnt that allowing a bad mood to escalate is not going to end well for us. We need to find the problem and fix it before things get bad. I am mentioning this before i retell this event in order to explain my reasons for knowing exactly what was going on in her head when I unexpectedly met my ex wife last week.

My guess is that she saw me before I saw her. When I looked at her and we both knew we had seen each other there was no way to mask her expression. It was pure nervous, me, I smiled. I walked over, asked how she was, how my kids were doing. We talked for about three minutes. During that time I watched her eyes well up and as we parted her bottom lip was trembling in a effort to hold back tears. I have no doubt in my mind what the reason for her emotion was.

Self Pity. 

This was the reaction of a woman who knew that she had lost something of value. Without words, and these people will never express there true opinions with words it said “I have fucked up big time”. It was a look of total dejection. Thoroughly miserable. I am guessing my smiling like a cheesier cat did not help.

This is despite some unequivocal facts. She has had the use of the family home, free of charge during the separation. This independence has allowed her to move forward with her life in a way I could not. She has had her own space to heal. She has had the privacy of her own home while I moved in with my parents. She went through the “going out drinking, bringing people home stage” that I did not. She has formed a relationship and had someone living with her for over a year. So why the tears ?

It seems clear that despite the many “faults” she pointed out on a daily basis, well screamed out and threw things or hit me over, my absence has not improved her life but made it worse. She possibly has also had to face the fact that it was her, not me that caused the problems. She has probably also realised that she formed a relationship so quickly because she is not the “strong independent woman” she thinks she is. Oh, and for the record, I am glad she found someone else, anything that keeps her away from me is a good thing. I will also state I pity the guy, I have no knowledge of him, but I doubt he deserves the problems that come with being connected to her.


For me this chance encounter carried the emotional response one would ecpect when meeting someone you went to school with many years ago and had not really bonded with. For her those crocodile tears proved it was much deeper and contained a sense of loss. 


I honestly have no feelings toward her at all. No anger, no hate, no love, nothing. She is simply someone i knew in the past. I count this as a good thing. I know what she has done in the intervening period. Managed to actually go to her work, that she was too ill to do before. Found herself a new significant other/victim. Me, I have formed friendships both on line and in the real world where I am valued as I value my new friends. I have written a load of poems. I have a blog, a Facebook page that have helped both myself and others.  I  work with the A Voice For Men Meme Team. I have interacted with Government Departments on Domestic Abuse. I will state that the support and help I have had along the way has been invaluable and I could not have done it without your help. Thank you to all that take the time out of your day to read my words. I will also say that the encouragement I have received from people who have been campaigning on these issues for a very long time is pure nectar. I thank you all and am inspired by these people. I know my life is on a upward spiral. I have no idea how far it will go, but I know I will be pushing to better myself at all times. This is the result of finding your self worth.

So, if anyone out there is on the edge of a precipice. Unsure if it is possible to jump and survive, unsure about the consequences of escaping abuse. My message is jump, you can do it. Believe this, I am not special. I do not have superhuman powers. I managed it and so can you. This much I can promise, you will find people (yes, people. Men and Women ! ) traveling the same road. They are the best people you will ever meet and they will help you.

Hopefully at some stage you will get to see the crocodile tears and say “Forty was right, and I made the right choice”

Good luck people


Mothers, we need to talk about your Son’s

It has been said we are born with only two personality traits, fear of loud noises and fear of heights. Some people have put spiders into that category. I do not know how accurate that list is, or could become. However I can say definitely that our social skills, how we interact with people is a learned behaviour. We learn this from our parents, our siblings and the wider world as we grow and venture outside the family. This is how we, as people learn what is a correct or acceptable way to behave, both for ourselves and those around us. This is what normal will feel like for the rest of our lives. Given that each person will live through a unique set of experiences to define this version of normal, we must understand that “normal” for society does not exist. There is only what happens to a individual yesterday, today and probably tomorrow. A normal for them alone.

This is why society developed laws, a code of acceptable conduct. Had “Normal” been a real form of behavior, those laws would not be needed as everyone would have the same moral code. 

Currently boys are being bombarded by messages about how to behave. There is also a significant amount of media directed at men about how to teach boys good habits. These have a tendency to revolve around gentlemanly conduct. Be courteous to girls, stick up for them, protect girls. Pay for dates, open doors, watch your mouth. God dammit man up, get a job, work long hours, spend money on her and above all, never ever hit a girl, thats not how we do things around here.

However nothing is being said about what way boys should expect to be treated. These messages are devoid of any mention of their self respect. Boys are not being taught that they have worth, not only to themselves but to others. Someone must teach this message. Someone needs to be telling your sons that are a catch, and it will be a lucky girl that gets them. This absence of being taught they deserve to be treated well and if they are not they should leave is akin to sending them onto a battlefield without going through basic training. They will get mauled, it is that simple. This is a time bomb, and the biggest problem that boys currently face. This is where mothers can save their sons, let me explain.

The only way your son will learn what a loving relationship built on trust and respect looks like is if you show him one on a daily basis. If you, as his mother respect his father he will expect his future wife/partner to do the same. If problems are discussed and rational discussions made, he will expect this. If you allow his father to fulfill his roll as head of the house properly he will expect to do likewise. If however he sees you, his mother constantly criticise his father he will think this is normal. Likewise If problems are met with screaming. If you undermine his fathers authority he will never expect to have any. If you hit his father he will not see this as wrong. If you have separated from his father on the basis that the family is better off without him, expect this to happen to your son. If you see your partner, his father as a source of income, this is the roll your son will take on.

Also consider this. Lets say you son meets a girl who is not suitable for him. Do you want him to think he is lucky to have her or know that he deserves better ? Your only chance at this point is to be able to point out her bad behavior and state this is not how a healthy relationship should look. This will not work however if you, as his mother have been displaying the same traits throughout your life. Here is the kicker.

The overwhelming majority of male victims of domestic abuse do not speak out or seek help let alone leave there abusive partner. This is less strange than it seems. They simply fail to recognise shouting, hitting or throwing things as abusive. They think due to superior strength they should just be able to take it. If they can not recognise that as abusive they definitely will not recognise manipulative psychological abuse. You will notice there are constant examples of “strong women” in television and films. There is no destination between where “Strong women” or “nagging wife” stops and abusive people begin. We know where abuse against women and girls starts, zero tolerance. With women abusing men, its blared lines. Mothers, you must teach your sons this. If you fail to do this you will be training your son to be a victim of domestic abuse, and I know you don’t want that.

Your choice is simple. You can treat the men in your life like worthwhile human beings, or expect your sons back at your house or homeless on the wrong side of 45. Perhaps  writing blog peaces stating that if something is not done now a generation of boys will be wrung out and their carcass’s fed to the vultures. I almost forgot the really scary part, when his partner has total control of his kids, thats your grandkids. Good luck seeing them.

Whats it going to be, Mom.

Who Killed Chris Mackney


Who really killed Chris Mackney

look into the shadows and you will see

the sharks that prowl within the courts

and the judges, their main cohorts

that feed upon the bones of men

and repeat the process again and again

Chris Mackney did not kill himself

he was murdered by destroying his mental health

by torture you could not conceive

with no justice possible, to receive

the judges and lawyers in the system

they are the people that did kill him

the police that would take him off to jail

when to pay child support he did fail

you can not pay what you have not got

a simple fact the system forgot

those that delivered impossible demands

they all have blood upon their hands

Who really killed Chris Mackney

look in the shadows and you will see

the lawyers that striped away his pride

that way his fait they did decide

he cried out but no one could hear

and locked him in a prison, we call fear

Chris rose four times from the dust

found employment to earn a crust

yet each time he was struck back down

becoming homeless in his home town

the man that proudly sold real estate

the system caused a humiliating fate

they took away his last will to live

when access to children they would not give

when the system made him feel so small

he then choose not to live at all

so all that refused to see the pain to see

you are the ones that killed Criss Mackney

the ex wife that laid down all the rules

the lawyers and judges that danced like fools

the people that said they all knew best

they all laid Chris down to rest

no guardian for his children you would provide

you all caused Chris Mackney’s suicide

look around at what you have done

realise no victory has been won

they you try to clean the internet

in hope that everyone will forget

but there are millions just like he

saying there but for the grace of god goes me

we have nothing you can take

so this protest we shall make

Chris’s story will be heard

in written and an spoken word

until this society never can

say he is irrelevant, he’s just a man


Forty Two

Author Notes

For the full story that includes a copy of the suicide letter by Chris Mackney please see the link below.

Screen Shot 2014-05-12 at 18.59.27


Dying for a Living

Screen Shot 2014-05-10 at 19.08.14

On the 16th May 2008 Gareth Keys, a 27 year old father of two went to work and did not come home. Whilst carrying out his duties at Highway Plant Co, in Dunmurry, Northern Ireland he was undertaking a post hirer check on a scissor lift when it collapsed. Gareth was on top of the platform at the sudden collapse caused crush injuries to his spine and chest, he died at the Royal Victoria Hospital within the hour. That was 6 years ago. On Wednesday 7th May a jury found the accident was the result of a failure by his employer to provide proper training or supervision.

His father stated he always knew his son was not to blame for the accident. 

“Gareth only knew one way to do something and that was the right way” 

Gareth was described as meticulous about his work. The former student of Belfast Royal Academically Institute was described as intelligent, well read and artistic. The Jury found on its closing day on Wednesday that there there were two defects in the machine’s safety mechanism that contributed to Mr Key’s death. These defects would have been found during the ground level check had Gareth received adequate training.

A spokeswoman for Highway Plant Co Ltd said yesterday that the company “deeply regretted the tragic accident”. They also stated

“We believe that safety and training are paramount….the training of Mr Keys was carried out by experienced personnel and HSENI were satisfied with that training.”

Adding “Our thoughts have been with the Keys family since this tragedy occurred and remain with them”.

Of the inquest procedure Mr Keys father Billy said

“This lengthy inquest process was quite intimidating for us as a family as we were faced with a team of six barristers representing his employer and the machine’s manufacturers, while we were represented by our solicitor advocate Sam Creighton, who did a great job on our behalf.”

I will state quite clearly, there are some anomalies between the words and actions of Highway Plant Co. If training and safety were paramount they would have provided correct training to Gareth prior to the beginning of this task. They have a duty of care to provide suitable and sufficient Information Instruction Supervision and training under the

Health and Safety at Work (Northern Ireland) Order 1978

When they failed in this duty, they did not just fail Garth Keys. They failed his two children, they failed his partner, they failed his parents, they failed his wider family and friends and they failed society as a whole. It is a sad fact Highway Plant and the Machines manufacturers compounded the suffering of these people by presenting such a robust defense involving 6 barristers when they clearly knew they had not provided the required training. This effort to move the blame onto the victim and leaving the family without closure is as indefensible as their original decision to give Gareth a task he was not trained for.

It is my deepest hope that the Northern Ireland Health and Safety Excitative prosecute Highway Plant Co to the full extent of their powers, however I do not believe this will be the case. In May 2012 JMW Farms Ltd became the first company to be prosecuted under Coperate Manslaughter Legislation. Under this legislation, companies and organisations can be found guilty as a result of serious management failures resulting in a gross breach of the duty of care. The maximum penalty for this offense is a “unlimited fine” however in practice the fine will be set at a level that will not cause bankruptcy. In short the offending company will be fined what they can afford.

JMW Farms Ltd were fined £187,500 for causing the death of a employee who had told the director the fork lift truck was not suitable for the intended operation and was unsafe. When the employee refused to complete the unsafe task the director took the controls, moved the unsafe load, and dropped it off the forks killing the employee. The employee was right about the task being unsafe, dead right.  £187,500 is not a stiff enough penalty for what amounts to murder. Is it ?

There is no provision for incarceration for the offense of killing your workers. Only when this becomes a real possibility will company owners and directors truly become more interested in the lives of the people they employ than profits.

World wide around 90 % of workplace fatalities are male. In the workplace we  put more emphasis on measures to remove sexism and insure equality than we do to prevent men dying. Surely there is something wrong with that approach. Keeping accurate data on this is almost impossible so I will provide one source link. If you wish to prove my figure wrong do your own research.

This article is dedicated to Gareth Keys and all other victims of a Workplace Fatality.

We all agreed to work for a living, that is not at issue here. However the whole of society must decide it is time men stopped dying for a living.





The Toilet Seat Conundrum

Screen Shot 2014-05-10 at 05.19.32

The toilet seat has a hinge. That is a fact. It takes around a second to put it up or down, that also is a fact. There is no difference in effort whatsoever between putting it up or down. That is a fact. There are no official statistics to look up but there is enough public awareness to know that men leaving the toilet seat up is a huge problem for a hell of a lot of women. It is a common complaint that transcends class and culture. Let us examine is this really a problem, and what that would say about equality,  or is it simply a excuse for a argument ?

A recognised definition of equality is : A state of being equal, especially in status, rights, opportunities and responsibilities.

If we are truly living in a equal state, each person should have the the same level of responsibility to put the toilet seat to the correct position. We have already looked at the level of effort required to change the seat position and found that also is equal. It should be a open or closed case, as it were. So why the varied reaction from three groups of people about the position of the toilet seat ?

Yes, I said three. Group 1, men, in general they adjust the seat to required position, use the toilet, wash hands and get on with their life. Group 2, some women, they adjust the seat, use the toilet, wash their hands and get on with their life. Group 3, some women see the seat in wrong position (is there a wrong as opposed to currant position) scream at the top of their lungs, foam at the mouth and demand their partner put the seat to the correct position. This reaction might not occur at the beginning of a relationship, but if it starts with complaints about the toilet seat, believe me, thats where it’s going. You can also expect your name on the underside of the seat in black marker with instructions to put it down or the lid down with house plants set on top of it. At least that was my experience. So what is really going on.

It’s about control, nothing more nothing less. If your partner is bat shit crazy enough to make a full scale argument similar to when you give her crabs about the toilet seat, then the position of the seat is not your biggest problem. These people will also complain about the shade of their tea/coffee, the placement of towels, a floor mat being a millimetre off straight and how you park your car. It matters not what way you preform any of these or any other task, when she wants to scream or lash out at you she will, and will find a excuse to do so. I truly is hard to find genuine fault with your partner on a daily basis. It becomes more so in a long term relationship when your partner has been effectively trained and knows the things you like “just so”. The better a victim of abuse gets at doing things perfectly, the more diverse the tasks that can be done wrong become. This abnormal reaction to normal situations creates fear, and fear creates control.

Breathing correctly will make it onto the list of faults. As will eating, opening and closing drawers. Anything that can be subjective will be a cause for a argument. Do not be fooled into believing that you can mould yourself into a prefect being that will keep her happy and stop the temper tantrums. It will not happen.

The problem is not the toilet seat, the invisible fluff on the carpet you hovered for a hour, the unnoticeable smear in the mirror you cleaned. The possessed woman screaming and throwing things manifested because she was due a outburst, and she would have found a “reason” for it no matter how perfect you are.

My conclusion is simple. The whole toilet seat thing is a clue, use it. If, at the beginning of a relationship your new lover has a toxic reaction to toilet seat position, or other things like being 2 minutes late or the word “no”, realise you have found crazy and get out while you can. Nothing good can come from it. Trust me on this, you are worth more than that. We all are.




The Gender Pay Gap Myth

pay gap perfect

There are a lot of urban myths kicking about. You can tell a myth quickly because they tend to have the same structure. They tend to be a outlandish claim that happened to a friend of a relative of the teller. While interesting they have no significant effect on you as a person or society in general, and the same story pops up in different parts of the world. Some examples include Kentucky Fried mouse, someone changing a wheel for Bill Gates (or Donald Triumph) and Bill, or Donald giving them a million dollars. You get the idea ? The thing that makes them benign is that the story teller is of not a figure of authority. One would think people who command respect would check there was a sound basis for there statements, or employ someone to do so would they not ?

It was this lack of believability of the story teller that caused me, as a kid of around 14 to call bullshit on a famous story about Richard Gere and a gerbil/hamster. I just knew that the cousin of a girl I went to school with in a working class part of Belfast, Northern Ireland was not the personal doctor of a famous Hollywood film star. Besides, her cousins grew up about half a mile away and I would not have trusted them with a gerbil let alone Richard Gere’s ass. Bullshit !

However what if the person spreading the urban myth is someone important, someone people listen to, like the President of The United States of America, Barrack Obama ? This claim is coming direct from the White House. My personal view is that work should have a value, and that gender is no way to decide how much a person earns. I believe there should be laws about this and anyone found guilty of this form of discrimination should face charges and those affected should be compensated for the term of this discrimination and going forward their wages should be adjusted to match the other gender. So I went into myth busting mode, and this is what I found.

The United States passed the Equal Pay act in 1963. This act states that

No employer having employees subject to any provisions of this section shall discriminate, within any establishment in which such employees are employed, between employees on the basis of sex by paying wages to employees in such establishment at a rate less than the rate at which he pays wages to employees of the opposite sex in such establishment for equal work on jobs the performance of which requires equal skill, effort, and responsibility, and which are performed under similar working conditions, 

This act means that any employer who practices workplace discrimination of this kind is guilty. I would urge the White House to bring forward any evidence they have of this practice and prosecute the companies/organasations involved. I would also draw your attention to the fact this act was passed in 1963. This means for the last 41 years people have been campaigning for something that was guaranteed by law. Would it not make more sense to use the legal system that is in place than to bring people onto the street and lobby Government on a issue that is already provided for ? Or is to much like a logical response to a emotional problem ?

We must also ask what legal protection exists outside the United States of America.

On December 10, 1948 the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Article 23 (2) clearly states

“Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to equal pay for equal work”. So there has been legal protection in place for 66 years.

This is backed up in individual countries by yet more legislation. United Kingdom (1970) Australia (1972). I could go on but I would rather not just do a long list of countries and legal acts. Suffice to say yahoo will take you to relevant laws in your country, and you have the backing of Human Rights laws to take a case anywhere in the world. If a country is not willing to listen to that I believe equal pay is down the list of your problems.

However legal rights are only of use provided they can be accessed. In order to validate if these powers are capable of being utalised in a meaningful way we look to see successful cases. The most recent case I was able to find occurred in the United Kingdom. In April 2014 a group of employes took a case against Swasea Metropolitan University claiming there hourly rate was less than members of the opposite sex on the same pay scale. At the tribunal

the University decided to cease contesting the case and each employee will be awarded around £30,000 each. This victory for equal pay proves beyond a doubt it is possible to gain equal pay provided you can demonstrate discrimination. Incase you were wondering, it was men that won the case, y demanding there rights through a legal procedure. Litigation, the sane alternative to protests and urban myths.

My conclusion, as they say on a well known television program, Myth Busted ! 









Male Disposability in War

The male Gender Roll of protect and provide alway has, and probably always will be dependent on men accepting men are disposable. To understand this we must first understand what we men by “male disposability”. It does not mean that the whole gender is disposable and we could continue all female species. It means that each of us is disposable, a man can be sent to do a job and if he dies during that task he is easily replaced. The ability of females to find a mate in order to reproduce is unquestioned. The ability of few males to impregnate a large number of females and therefore increase the population is unquestioned. These factors allowed men to go to war or work in dangerous occupations with there individual deaths not putting their tribe at risk of extinction.

We know war is a dangerous business. We have always understood casualties would be high. We have as a society glorified death on a battlefield. When boys are growing up the toys they play with, Action Man/Gi Joe are pre disposed to buy into that thought. The action films we enjoy often have a hero that dies completing his mission. Many way films have a part where a wounded solder says something to the effect of “leave me here with the machine gun and two belts of ammunition, i’ll hold them up” This is verified when we look at people who receive our highest awards for bravery. In order to keep this article to a readable size the examples are from Great Britain and the United States of America however that is not intended to diminish the sacrifice of any solder from any country. The Victoria Cross and the Congressional Medal of Honour. In 1902 the British Army decided to award the VC Posthumously (to people who died during their act of valor) since then 295 Posthumous medals have been awarded.

In Vietnam of the 246 recipients of the Congressional medal of honour 154 were awarded Posthumously. This gives some indication on how being disposable is a good thing is sold to a male population.

However, what if you don’t even make it to the battlefield. What if you don’t see a shot in anger. What if you are left with no heroic war stories to tell because you never made it into actual combat but are left disabled by a cocktail of drugs injected into your body in anticipation of your deployment ? This is a fact of life for thousands of veterans of the Golf War. Confused ? let me explain.

Prior to deployment troops were given NAPS (nerve agent pre treatment sets) that included among other things vaccines for Anthrax and Whooping Cough. This cocktail had been tested and prescribed fit for humans by nobody. Yes, nobody ! Nobody thought this was a good idea medically but the Governments decided it was “better than nothing” and went ahead and injected the troops.  When troops began to complain of musculoskeletal, neurological and respiratory symptoms they were told it was the result of contaminants they were exposed to in the field.

The Golf War has been labeled the most toxic war in history. Troops were exposed to a range of vaccinations, pryridostigymine bromide, organophosphates (and other pesticides) nerve agents, depleted uranium, environmental hazards, stress and smoke from burning oil wells.

When it was pointed out that manny solders that had not been deployed, and thus only been exposed to the vaccines were suffering the same symptoms as those deployed the Governments attempted to claim the symptoms existed only in the mind of the victim. They discount totally the fact they gave these men a unlicensed dose of chemicals. This is eventually being properly challenged.

Former Royal Engineer Alex Izzet, 40, has secured legal aid and will now try to gain access to secret Government documents. Dad-of-two Alex, right, is unique as he was given a cocktail of vaccines but did not go the Middle East to fight. He was granted legal aid because he was never exposed to dangers such as pesticides, burning oil wells, chemical dumps and diesel fumes which the MoD thinks could be behind the condition. Campaigners claim the syndrome has affected some 9,000 British veterans, causing around 600 deaths, including 200 ­suicides.

These men deserve answers. These men deserve to know why the records of exactly what they were injected with is shrouded in secrecy and records have been “lost”. Yes, men do take on the disposable roll, yes men do choose to go out in a blaze of glory, but a injection the Ministry of Defense has no real knowledge of is not a blaze of glory. It is time for the truth, however unpalatable that is.